I get to write a paper. I’m trying to reframe the narrative of have to and get too. I generally disdain writing papers. I always seem to struggle to communicate that in which is necessary to complete a “perfect” paper. That goes back to the goal isn’t perfection but to learn something. So tomorrow, I get to write a paper!
Changing of the tides
I’m accepting the changing of the tides. my friendships are feeling as ships drifting out at sea. i’m hoping by putting a message in a bottle that it will reach them. i’m in a flux of my identity and my direction. all i’ve felt as is an island left in a large expansive ocean. wondering who next will dock at my shore and who will be the next boat to sail away.
back to the bookstore
I often get stuck in my own head…going circles around my thoughts to come to some sort of conclusion. Second guessing myself. Impostering my way through it seems. However, I know I love bookstores and I know I loved you. I’m suprised to find a favorite bookstore still exist after three years apart. The yellow exterior still the guiding light. I don’t know If it is reasonable to reach out to you anymore. However, in three years time I’m sure I will still be loving you.
CVS and You
CVS just one day closed up shop and left my neighborhood. The same could be said of you. I remained a loyal customer and friend till the bitter end. Never getting a proper goodbye. I would have boughten that last box of pop tarts. I did buy you one last birthday present which I didn’t know would be the goodbye it was. Nonetheless, I’ve to find peace with the hole that you and CVS have left.
I’m struggling to finish my personal essay for a graduate school application. I’ve never considered myself a person able to write. Grammar and I have never been in a fluent relationship. I find it laughable I publish my medium blurbs. However, I do this to expel some interal rubbles. Writing for critque makes me feel overwhelmed with dread. Fear and judgement are at the root of my writing avoidance. I have this sense that my writing doesn’t measure up. I missed my last application deadline. I got upset with myself and then have been avoiding completing it.